The adoption process is very difficult for most birthmothers. Once you’ve decided that adoption is the right path, you must make many more choices along the way. Do you want an open or closed adoption? What is your birth plan? What happens if your adoption plan changes? How do you choose the right parents? It can be very exhausting, especially for someone who is carrying a baby with them everywhere! Here are some things you should think about when looking over adoption applications from potential adoptive parents:
If you choose to have an open adoption, the adoptive family’s location may be very important for you. Perhaps you want your baby to be close so you can visit them in their early years. Or you may decide the opposite – to choose parents who live far away so you won’t bump into them around town. Either way, you’ll want to consider this when reviewing adoptive parent applications.
The parents’ career choices can play an important part in your decision. Are both parents in agreement on their roles when it comes to taking maternity or paternity leave and how their financial situation will change after they adopt? You may want to choose parents who haven’t pursued aggressive careers so they have more time with the child. Or, you may want two parents who work a lot, and will teach your child to value dedication to success. If you find two parents with artistic or creative careers that may also resonate with you. A person’s career says a lot about them and should be considered when choosing the family.
If you have a strong religious background, you may want to choose an adoptive family with the same upbringing. Or if you don’t have a religious background, you may want to choose parents who are open to exposing their children to different faiths. You may also want to find parents who share a common cultural background because it will help the parents incorporate the child’s heritage into their life after adoption. You may find it interesting to choose a family with a completely different background than yours so your child will have a contrasting heritage that creates a unique identity for them!
When you choose adoptive parents, you’re also indirectly choosing their entire extended family. If the adoptive parents offer any information about their parents, siblings or other close family members, use that to make a decision. Your child will be spending a lot of time with these extended family members and it’s best to know that they would be a positive influence on your baby, just like the parents.
In the end, you’ll have to trust your instincts to make the right decision. If you need guidance on how to make the right choice or are still looking for adoptive parents, talk to an adoption counselor today.