The choice to place your baby for adoption signifies so many things. It shows your strength, and the selfless love you have for your child. It signifies your maturity, your confidence, and your ability to make wise decisions for your baby before he or she is even born. Choosing adoption says a lot about how wonderful of a mother you are.
However, no one said it’s easy to be the birthmom. Though you may know you’re making the right choice, not everyone will agree. Family members, friends, and even parties outside of your immediate circle may be quick to give their advice. There will be those who think you should keep the baby, even though you know it would be a poor choice for both of you. It’s difficult to tune these opinions out because you probably considered parenting at one point. How can you ignore the advice coming from those you love, especially if they could be right?
Remember, they are advising you based on their personal beliefs or experiences. However, each situation is different and ONLY you know what is best for you.
When faced with these questions, you need to go back to the reason you’ve chosen adoption. Unless you are choosing adoption out of pressure from your family or the father, it is a wonderful opportunity for both you and your baby. You need to find those who support your decision, not those who make you go back and forth with your decision.
Although friends and family–no matter your age–are giving their opinion out of concern, it’s important that they are able to listen objectively.
Whoever it is – a counselor, a parent, a friend, or the father of your baby – you need to reach out to someone who loves you and is supportive of any decision you make. It’s your body, it’s your baby, and therefore your choice. Anyone who can’t support you is thinking about themselves, not you. Adoption isn’t a decision anyone makes out of selfishness. It’s one of the hardest things a mother can do. Anyone that makes you doubt yourself cannot comprehend what you’re going through and shouldn’t be giving you an opinion at all.
If you’re looking for neutral support, for someone who doesn’t have a personal stake in your decision, talk to an adoption counselor. They can answer your questions, and give you space to talk about your doubts in a safe space. You should have an adoption counselor at every stage of pregnancy, from the time you find out to the process of placing the baby in an adoptive home.
You can talk to an adoption counselor at Birthmother’s Choice, or call our hotline anytime at 1-800-587-3224.