What to Do When You and the Father Can’t Agree

Unplanned pregnancies put a great deal of responsibility on the mother. She is the one who selflessly gives her baby a home for nine months. The mother will care for her child and do everything in her power to have a healthy pregnancy. She is also the one who must often times give up school or work, or at least take leave in order to have the baby. She puts her life on hold to nurture and love a precious child, one whose life becomes more important than her own.

Even though, as a birth mother, you are given the responsibility of pregnancy, you are not alone in the responsibility of parenthood.

The father of the baby is and should be involved with your decision on how to parent the child, and if part of that plan includes adoption. Adoption is a parenting choice and a positive one for many. But, what if you and the father don’t agree?

There are many issues to deal with if you have an unplanned pregnancy. Perhaps the father is out of the picture. You may have ended your relationship with him on bad terms or you aren’t sure who the father is. Perhaps he is simply not in favor of adoption and is asking you to take an alternative route. Either way, this is a decision that is not easy for either of you to make. If you can’t agree or are feeling pressured by him, here are some things you need to keep in mind.

First, the father must prove paternity if he’s going to attempt to halt the adoption plan. He can do this by paying for a DNA test after the baby is born. All states require the birth father to relinquish his rights as he does have rights. No matter what the situation, he does have rights.   

If the birth father does not agree with the adoption plan, he can retain legal counsel and object. This a rare. The best way to deal with these situations is to talk to an adoption attorney. They will advocate for the child’s best interest and can help you give your baby a safe and stable home.

If the father is unknown, your attorney for the adoption plan will make an attempt by publishing in local newspapers where you last had contact with the birth father even if he is unknown.

Everything about this is scary. But, you should know your rights and get the support you need to make this decision with your baby’s dad. If you need to talk to someone, click here.